and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Randomize
