Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
