any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
