so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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