i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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