I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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