You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
