I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
i need to put some appletini on your dick
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
