it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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