We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
