I think I won the penis lottery.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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