He asked to "fluff my boner.."
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
