A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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