38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
