Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
