My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
