2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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