remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
