I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize