made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
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