I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
