is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
