Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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