ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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