last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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