I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
