so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
