Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
