how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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