He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
