piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
