Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
