I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
