I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
