it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
