i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
