i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
