Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
