that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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