at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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