Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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