Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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