i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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