In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
