Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
