So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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