Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
