We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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