i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
