I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
