If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
