Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I think my moral compass just broke
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
