Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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