I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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