well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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