I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
you're hired as official boob wrangler
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
