dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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