I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My vagina is very pro this idea
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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