Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
