I need help removing her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
