K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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