I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize
