Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
