i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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