I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
