I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
