finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Your cock deserves a montage
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize