is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
